CROMAGNON (cromagnon) wrote,
CROMAGNON
cromagnon

BITE MY LIP

the best part of my girl and me is that she has known me for so long that she knows the person i am... or at least i try to be... she saw me today as i really am, the overflowing, uncontrolable rage... she has seen me angry and knows it passes or i can be spoken to, made to laugh or think and like a breeze, its gone, but not this rage... i have spent so many years controlling and hiding the rage i foolishly thought i had it under control... it makes me feel weak that i cant control my hatred for everything and everyone... especially myself... i have a lot of things going right for me and a few things that can go very badly very quickly, i have been going through them as best i can but it boiled over today... the feelings that the little things in life are hard and the big ones flat out insurmountable, the feeling i am inept and unsuitable to deal with people without wanting to reach in and tear their throats out... ive put a lot of things off that i should have done a long time ago and may come back to not only bite me, but poison any happiness i have... feed that with her doubts she has expressed that made the hair on my neck stand up... since day one she has been the one that is sure and has smiled past any doubts

i do have an opportunity coming up that while great, will definately turn my life around and i dont know if the pros do outweigh the cons... who knows if its going to happen, the screen test is saturday for the producers
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